Today was my grandmother’s funeral, my last remaining grandparent. I have yet to cry but maybe that’s because I’ve prepared for such times. It was strange. The day she died, ironically Groundhog day, I didn’t see her ghost but at the funeral I saw her spirit wander. She was confused and quiet, but she heard the music in my head I was playing for her. She smiled at that. She wore the necklace I made her and her favorite dress that matched. Serendipitous how that worked out. During the service I kept thinking of a memory of when I was 6 years old with her telling me to play the piano that’s now in my living room. There was a porcelain book with painted daisies, her favorite flower, that my mother made for her sitting on the too of the piano. It had been a warm yet breezy autumn morning. As I played for her, my tiny hands rambling on the keys, I eventually found a melody which turned into a song. Possibly my first. I called it Daisies in the Wind. As we buried her I thought of the melody and saw her watching over me. During the last prayer over her grave a gale rushed by and I opened my eyes to see her ghost was gone, like a daisy in the wind. I smiled and said goodbye. I could hear her say she loved me. I smiled and said I loved her too.
Now, for some happier news I went to a metaphysical shop recently and got some stones, a new oracle deck, and these awesome statues!
Anubis likes his chibi-ized self. I wanted to pay homage to Him since He is the one who helped me decide that mortuary school is my career path. He was also there throughout the whole process with my grandmother seeing her die before me and helping me remember all the things she wanted with her in her casket. Kunxi, the former Joseung Saja, also helped a lot. These two are the sweetest with the dead.
Kuan Yin has also been a comfort for me lately. When I saw Her statue I knew I had to get it. She truly is a beautiful deity to love.
I also got myself the Kali Oracle which I love! Kali has been calling to me for ages. Her fierce yet graceful love is something I’ve always been attracted to.
In this reading I did what my inner self needs to focus on and what my outer self needs to focus on. The inner self card is Krishnau and talked about reaching desires through purification of fire. Funny, since my moon sign is the fire sign Sagittarius. It’s a very introspective card allowing myself to experience Kali though the warmth of purifying fire.
The outer self card Kama if Kali focused on seeking pleasure and joy but not in the hedonistic sense, but rather finding joy in self care and dedicating this to Kali as a form of worship. I thought that was perfect. Making beauty from the mundane as a form of offering.
These comings of deities and goings of loved ones is a part of spiritual growth in my opinion. I feel as if I am no longer a caged bird but rather a newly born phoenix rising from the ashes of rebirth. I am excited to see what lays ahead for me with my many deities and spirits to lead me and with my ancestors to guide me.